Millôr Fernandes was born in Rio de Janeiro on August 16 1924, and studied at the Liceu de Artes e Ofícios. He contributed to the following publications, among others: Cruzeiro, Pif Paf, Veja, Pasquim, Correio da Manhã, Isto É, Estado de São Paulo, Jornal do Brasil, UOL, Jornal do Brasil. His work for the theatre includes 113 pieces, original works, translations, and adaptations of Shakespeare, Molière, Ibsen, Shaw, Racine, Pirandello, Pinter, Becket, Brecht, ouf!).

ILL AUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY
by MILLÔR FERNANDES

I was born in Meyer (Rio de Janeiro) at the age of nine. I was born small and I grew little by little. First, they made my middle portion, then my tips. It’s only later that I got to the extremes. Head, trunk, and member, that’s all I am. But I don’t rebel. I got into three revolutions, all lost. The first one against God and he won, tricking me with a miracle. The second against fate, and it beat me, leaving me like this, with no clue about the plot. The third one against myself, and I ended up here. Do you see what I am? And where I am? And why that was? One thing is for sure. They don’t make Millôres like they used to.
In spite of school, I’m basically self-taught. Everything that I don’t know, I have always not known on my own. Nobody ever thought me how to think, how to write, or how to draw, which is easy to realize when you look at my pieces.
I believe the earth is flat. I try in vain not to be. I believe parallels meet in parallelepipeds. And, like the Czechs, I can say SVOBODA SUVERENITA. Or better: ZA SVOBODU DUBCEKA CERNIKA. What both phrases mean I don’t have the slightest idea. But I’m ready to die for them, just like so many people die for other phrases that they also don't understand.
Here I am, then, happy and light-headed, vague and carefree. In the dark, I don’t see, I don’t understand what I don’t know, I stay where I stop, I go and I come back full of longings (saudades). Because, if I stay, I long for the unknown. If I leave, the separation tears me apart.
I’m like everybody.

Translated by Mario S Mieli and Suzel Stampleman